


Dear Cas,

by archangelgaybriel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Twist and Shout - gabriel & standbyme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:24:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archangelgaybriel/pseuds/archangelgaybriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year later, things have changed. Dean picks up a pen, and presses it onto the page.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cas,

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Twist and Shout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876) by [gabriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriel/pseuds/gabriel), [standbyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/standbyme/pseuds/standbyme). 



> i really don't have anything to say but: GUESS WHAT I FOUND IN MY DRAAAAFTS
> 
> i wrote this early this year or last year so i don't have any memory of writing it. i didn't even think i wrote it until i found all the spelling mistakes and after correcting them i decided to post this because i literally have nothing else to lose
> 
> and because i wrote this early this year, the writing is terrible but i'm quite scared of reading ANYTHING remotely similar to twist and shout and therefore didn't make any major changes other than spelling mistakes

Dear Cas,

It's been a year since you left.

 

Sams taken away all the alcohol in the house, and chased me out rather apologetically because he's afraid I'll scare his kid.

 

I don't blame him.

 

I rode my bike back to our old apartment, the one we shared, and then yours, and I saw the fire escape I used to climb to get to your house.

 

It's all very nostalgic.

 

I went through your letters and pictures again. The turn table plays your favourite song again and again - can't help falling in love. Don't worry baby, I'll bring you to see Elvis one day.

 

Going through the pictures reminds me of how fucking beautiful you are, cas. You are beautiful, even if you never saw it. I wish you did.

 

I want to tell that to you one more time.

 

I think of you everyday, and the beach, and blue hawaii, and your smile, and your laugh and the crinkles around your eyes and your lips against mine.

 

I still work at Bobby's shop. I still ride, did you know that? He's been helpful but I can feel the tension in the air when he's around me. I know he's treading carefully, like I'm some fucking fragile china plate which can just shatter at any moment by the slightest provocation.

 

And I'm afraid that that's what I truly am.

 

I know I promised to live on, but fuck, I can't fucking stop thinking of you. I think of you, in the hospital bed, weak and frail and dying, every breath you take rattling like waves crashing on the shore, jesus Cas you were dying, you were dying right before my very eyes and I was just watching you go and there was nothing i could do because you were dying, you were fucking dying right in front of me.

 

And I'm sorry Cas. I'm fucking sorry. You were right. I never really came back from the war. I was lost and hopeless and completely gone, empty and hollowed out and I blamed it on everyone but myself but the truth is that I was a coward, and I couldn't face the pain.

 

Fuck, Cas, It took a toll on you. I was killing you right before my very eyes, I saw it in my dreams, but you were always fucking there. I didn't understand at that time - how could you love me when I wasn't even there?

 

I couldn't take it; I left, I fucking left you because I was a coward and fuck, Cas, it's my fucking fault that you're dead now, six feet under.

 

I can't do this without you, Cas. I miss you every single day of my life and I need you here with me, I need your lips on mine again I need you in my arms I need to tell you I love you just one more time.

 

_Please._

 

It's never the right time to say goodbye. You were the one to tell me that.

 

I don't ever want to say goodbye to you. It just doesn't feel right.

 

It doesn't matter, one day I'll be dead too and I'll finally be with you, my darling.

 

I'll be able to see you, your beautiful smile and hear your laugh and feel your lips against mine and finally I can go home

 

I guess love makes you do stupid things.

 

See you then.

 

Sincerely,

Dean

**Author's Note:**

> if you actually did feel something, do leave kudos and comments <333


End file.
